A conversation with my inner self #34

I think every person undergoes some drastic change in behavior/personality over the course of time. For some it’s clearly visible in a short span of time, for others the time frame must be large enough to observe the changes.

I’m not an exception to seasoning with time. There must have been many changes in my behavior, opinion, way of perceiving things that I’m not even aware of. The people with whom I spend most of the time can elaborate this better than me. But there are times when the changes in me couldn’t escape my attention.

#1 Being an engineering student, I had a good many number of text books and reference books. Plus there were piles of exercise books and class notes. In comparison to high school, the difficulty level was much higher but for some odd reason, I found it okay to give less effort than before.
Up to high school, I was wholeheartedly sincere about my studies but in college, for the first couple of semesters I didn’t study at all. I used to miss my classes and waste my time doing useless stuff.

#2 Till high school I used to hang out with people with unattainable moral standards. On the contrary in college the people around me were exact opposite of my school friends. My friends in college used to swear a lot, cheating was considered as an art rather than the easiest way to get expelled. I always wanted to maintain my values without judging or preaching others.
Unknowingly my values were adapting to the new environment. I started using abusive words, I judged people without hesitation. This could not continue anymore as questions started raising in my mind.

Is this the person whom I wanted to be?
Do I still fit into my definition of a nice person?
Do I need to change my definition of a nice person now as I’m a grown up now?

I got stuck in the last question. When I was a 4 year old kid, telling a lie was never acceptable to me. But now I would not mind to make a story so that my parents allow me to go out with my friends. And obviously I never regrated for this.
If my inner self is not finding me guilty, this clearly means that my values have changed. This is just one insignificant example but there are so many things that changed.

After growing up we take so many things for granted and move on. But should we really do that?

No matter how much I try I cannot get back the most innocent and beautiful version of myself. But I can try to rectify myself. It’s not easy to change one’s rude, judgmental and adamant behavior to polite, kind and composed behavior. The changes I underwent unknowingly became a major part of my personality now.

#3 By the time when I completed my graduation I faced a lot of emotional challenges. Now I see myself as a completely different person. I used to handle everything with heart, now I don’t underestimate my rational thinking. This change has been in favor of me.

As an end note, I agree that we should check on our inner selves every once in a while. We are changing everyday but that change will draw our attention after a considerable amount of time. Not all changes are similar to transformation of caterpillar to a butterfly (Positive changes). Some changes are just going to end up in undesirable circumstances. However we are so busy in mixing with our surroundings that the demand of our inner selves is often left unheard.

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