A conversation with my inner self #34

I think every person undergoes some drastic change in behaviour/personality over the course of time. For some it’s clearly visible in a short span of time, for others the time frame must be large enough to observe the changes.

I’m not an exception to that. There must have been many changes in my behavior, opinion, way of perceiving things that I’m not even aware of. The people with whom I spend most of the time can elaborate this better than me. But there r times when the changes in me couldn’t escape my attention.

One:

Being an engineering student, I had a good many number of text books and reference books. Plus there were piles of exercise books and class notes. In comparison to high school, the difficulty level was much higher but for some odd reason, I found it cool to give less effort than before. Upto high school, I was wholeheartedly sincere to my studies but in college, for the first couple of semesters I didn’t study at all. I used to miss my classes and waste my time doing useless stuffs. I don’t know why doing stupid things seemed supercool at that time unless my parents made me grounded after the results had come out.

Two:

Till high school I used to hang with people with unattainable moral standards. On the contrary in college the people around me were exact opposite of my school mates. My friends in college used to swear a lot, cheating was looked as an art rather than the easiest way to get expelled. I always wanted to maintain my values without judging or preaching others. But unknowingly my values were adapting to the new environment. I started using abusive words, I judged people without hesitation. This could not continue anymore as questions started raising in my mind. Is this the person who I wanted to be? Do I still fit into the definition of a nice person, that I decided for myself long ago? Don’t I need to change my definition now as I’m a grown up now?

I got stuck in the last question. When I was a 4 year old kid, telling a lie was never acceptable to me. But now I would not mind to make a story so that my parents allow me to go with my friends. And obviously I never regreted for this. If my inner self is not finding me guilty, this clearly means that my values have been changed. This is just one insignificant example but there are so many things that changed. After growing up we take so many things for granted and move on. But should we really do that?

No matter how much I try I cannot get back my most innocent and beautiful version of mine. But I can try to rectify myself. It’s not easy to change one’s rude, judgemental and adament behaviour to polite, kind and composed behaviour. The changes I underwent unknowingly became a major part of my personality.

Three:

During the time when I completed my graduation I faced a lot of emotional challenges. After a long time, I see myself as a completely different person. I used to handle everything with heart, now I don’t underestimate my rational thinking for my feelings. This change has been in favour of me.

We should check on ourselves every once in a while. We are changing everyday but that change will draw our attention after a considerable amount of time. Not all changes are similar to transformation of caterpillar to a butterfly. Some changes are just going to end up in undesirable circumstances. However we are so busy in mixing with our surroundings that the demand of our inner selves is often left unheard. So sometimes ping your inner self for a small chat on your life!

Post Author: Molten Cookie Dough

A typical Pisces person.

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