2021 Year Review
I did not start the year with the best mindset. There was a lot of emotional baggage that I carried into the year from 2020.
For the longest time of my life I had decided not to address it, but the first step for moving on from anything that has happened in your life is to accept it. Yes, I fell out with my family members, it was a huge fight. I was desperately looking out for ways to forget about it but I couldn’t. I used to cry myself to sleep almost every night. I have been very closed off all my life. But this time around I was not to heal- just by myself. The painful memories of the past was haunting me day and night, killing me little by little.
One night, it got out of control, I was choking on my own tears and was unable to breathe. I was crying for help. My heart was racing very fast. I just wanted to hug someone and cry my heart out. After that night, there was even a bigger fight in the house. But things were settled after that. We said sorries and we cried together. Unfortunately some inklings of that time is still there at a corner of my heart.
Forgiving is a great virtue. Once you forgive someone for something, it actually makes you free from your own emotional baggage and pain. Unfortunately it’s easier said than done.
After struggling for a while I sought for professional help. Taking therapies aren’t the most affordable in India, neither are they easily accessible. I gathered some courage to reach out to the psychologist at my work. I will share my experience of that in a separate post.
I got my long due promotion at work. Due to pandemic, raise and promotions were halted at my workplace for many months.
Even though I felt really happy in the beginning, my dad’s lack of excitement made me upset. Take a moment to appreciate your parents, if they are supportive and encouraging.
February was the month full of work and events. I started applying for jobs to gather some experience. I was studying online after my full time job. It was pretty hectic. Every week, there used to be assignments and exams. My sister’s wedding date was nearing. There was a couple of family gatherings in that month. I couldn’t spend as much time as I would have liked to with my family during this occasion due to my extremely tight schedules.
Somehow I managed to squeeze 2 weeks’ worth of work in last week of February to make some room for the upcoming busy days.
My sister got married in the first week of March. I was off from work and I finished my assignments beforehand too. But I was physically and mentally exhausted. My family would have expected more from me during such a big event but one can only do so much at a time. I did my best to be there, but definitely it wasn’t enough.
All rituals of the marriage were done properly with God’s blessings. But marriages are incomplete without some family drama.
I got to spend some quality time with my cousins who have grown up so much now. Family politics and drama kept everybody busy for the rest of the month.
I took a venture to interact with people online and be more social and failed miserably.
My grandmother came to visit us in April. My mom wanted to bring her home for couple of years. Granny was very old and feeble and wouldn’t want to go out. But she felt that it was about time that she fulfils my mom’s (her eldest daughter’s) desire. So she came and lived with us for 10-12 days. I was trying to squeeze some moments from my busy life for talking to her. My sister also came over. She was quite sick at that time. Eventually she returned to my uncle’s house where she lived.
My grand ma got super sick during the first week of May. Everybody in my mom’s side of the family were stressed out for granny, because of her poor health condition. Granny passed away in mid May. It was a difficult time for all of us.
I don’t remember much from this month, except the fact that my online course was getting increasingly difficult and I was struggling to have some balance in my life. It was also 1 year of losing my uncle (Dad’s elder brother).
I quit using Facebook and Instagram.
I was working really hard, appearing for job interviews. I had no clue about where I was heading too. My friends and colleagues were having great times- at least on social media. Many people started going on trips, switching jobs and having nice meals outside. I, on the other hand, was still terrified of the pandemic and feeling misurable at home.
By the end of July, with God’s blessings I finally landed a job in my desired role.
One huge weight of finding a job was lifted off my shoulder. But I was nowhere near to celebrating this. My mom seemed to be extremely distressed with the possibility of my living far away from her. My dad seemed rather unimpressed.
No matter how hard I work or how much important something is to me-my parents can barely be happy.
This was another stressful month. I got really sick. The symptoms were exactly that of covid. I had to visit doctor and get tested as well. Luckily it wasn’t covid.
I finally finished my one year long online study and submitted my final project.
Work pressure was decent. I was a little heartbroken finding out that none of the people at my workplace was bothered to the slightest for me leaving the job. Truly I worked with a bunch of heartless people for many years.
It was festival time for my community. Unlike last year, things were better this year. I promised myself to go out (of course with cautions) and enjoy some time. I was partially successful in doing that.
By the end of the month I left my job and started working in a new place.
It was an emotional moment for me.
I expected to have some free time at least for first few days at my new work. Boy was I wrong!
I had my first wedding invitation from one of my school friends. I did not expect to get an invite. I was nervous about coming across some of my toxic classmates. God was kind enough to save me from that. It was a nice experience to meet this girl after a decade, that too at her wedding! She has grown up to be a beautiful woman with so much grace. I met few more people whom I only knew from my friend’s posts.
I also happened to watch the Spider Man: No way home with my sister- probably the first movie in hall after 2 years.
There’s mothing much to the month now.
Some honorable mentions:
- Some old friendships got better this year, some got worse. Got to know some people closely. We shouldn’t complain about who’s coming into and who’s leaving our life. Rather we should enjoy the moments that we have together.
- I did journaling on regular basis this year- which substantially improved my mental health when neither therapies, nor anything else worked out.
- I continued life away from Facebook and Instagram.
- Read some story books (The Bhagavata Puarana(part 2) by Ramesh Menon, The Ramayana by Ramesh Menon, Ignited Minds by Dr. Kalam, Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen, The Mahabharata (part 1 and 2)by Bibek Debroy).
- Watched some TV shows that I hadn’t watched before. (The Big Bang Theory(till season 9), The Office(complete), Friends(Only till season 5))
- Even though not regularly, I posted mostly cooking recipes in this channel this year.
- Started creating content online with my own name.
- New variants of Covid virus is still keeping us on our toes, hopefully things will start looking better soon!
That’s about my 2021 year review. How about you guys? I hope all of you had a lovely year, full of blessings. Hope to meet you soon in another blog! 🙂