When You Are Jealous with no Right to be Jealous…

Remember Rapha, from A Walk to remember ft. my crush?

After our glorious “walk” I was so overwhelmed with my teenage hormones (I’m not a teenager but I do feel like one, sometimes).
Rapha was all over my mind for couple of months, I thought about him a lot. Can’t tell you how many times I phrased the speech to confess my feelings in front of him. Strange thing is I don’t see myself dating him, he’s just a crush.

Nonetheless, I stalked him on social media in best of my abilities. This dude has a legit private life. He does have an account on FaceBook which he handled actively a couple of years back but now he doesn’t post anything. I could have asked him if he’s seeing someone but no… I didn’t choose the easy way. I don’t wanna give him a chance to think that I am interested in his personal life (which obviously I am for real). It is more because I work with him and we need to maintain a professional term no matter what.

Rapha is very talkative and friendly. But there is a fine line between being friendly and being an actual friend. I am always skeptical about the extrovert people because making friends is easier than supporting that friend at the time of crisis, listening to them without judgement, defend them at their back. I must admit my habit of over-thinking- that is why Rapha doesn’t pass as my friend. I hang out with Rapha and his friends. We all are of same age group but I feel like an old soul among them, most of the time I cannot relate to their conversation so I just sit talking nothing most of the time. Days passed and Rapha’s birthday arrived.

The day before his birthday, coincidentally I left office at the same time as his friends were leaving. Two of them- Neera and Vijay stay near my place. They needed to buy the cake and decoration stuff from a shop near my hostel and then go back to Rapha’s flat. I wanted to stay with them but didn’t know what to say. Finally Neera asked me, “We are going to this cafe? Wanna come with us?”
They know how much interested I am in food and I was excited in so many levels, not just for food.
Neera, Vijay and 2 other girls were there with me. We went to the cafe, bought the birthday cake and sat with our coffee. That wasn’t the best time to drink some coffee as I was supposed to have dinner right after going home. The things I do to be a little more social…

Meanwhile Rapha’s flatmate Rik arrived to the cafe. They were planning to go somewhere on the following day (on Rapha’s birthday). I was sitting like an idiot listening to all this conversation wanting to go with them. I couldn’t tell them to include me.

Rik started talking about Rapha, “He’s one a’hole… Even his girlfriend thinks so. She was asking me to hide the gift she sent here for him. She sent him a nice pair of shoes… Sometimes I feel like hittig him with shoes”. Rik is a very good friend of Rapha and they show each other love by using all the offensive words in the world.
But excuse me? Rapha’s girlfriend?? When did that happen? Why did I not know about this!
It was plain fact that Rapha would have a girlfriend but I wasn’t ready for this. Probably I would have felt a little better if this would have come out in my personal investigation. Damn! That hurt! I hated that poor girl for no reason. She must be very pretty and smart, not like an absolute trash like me.

It kind of turned off my mood and I didn’t speak much after that. I lost all interest to join his birthday party as well. Neera and the other 2 girls were talking about Rapha’s girlfriend. They were nervous about how they should approach her. They never met her in person and she would join them on the trip they planned on the following day.

After a few days, I saw Rapha’s girlfriend in photos. She seemed to be a simple girl. I had no reason to hate on her. It’s nice to see that they have such a private life, not showing off their relationship to the outside world, still flying from another part of the country to meet each other… What more can I say except wishing a happy life for them?

That’s all folks. Thanks for reading! 🙂

Photo credit : Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Post Author: Molten Cookie Dough

A typical Pisces person.

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