Disintegrated Chaos? or Rather I should say Life #153

I’m not feeling good… neither physically nor mentally. Yesterday was a long day. By night I had tremendous headache, I could barely eat because of that. I went to bed early. Today when I woke up, my headache was gone.
This is best about sleep, you forget about pains (if pain is moderate, if pain is too much, probably it won’t let you sleep), you forget about stress and your life which is at the verge of falling apart.

I woke up late by 9 in the morning with a subtle pain in the back. Usually I have this kind of pain after spending too much time on bed/sleeping. The pain goes away within a few hours. This time it didn’t. The pain became intense. I went to washroom and sat on the toilet seat… at that time I realized that I could not move my back at all. Somehow I managed to finish my business. Unlike every other day breakfast was ready because I was at home. I walked slowly to the table and sat down gently. With every breathe, with every little movement I felt strain in the muscle, it was in left side in my back. Few minutes more and it became so intense that I had to leave. I could not make any sound with my mouth, even the attempt to get some air in the lungs was stressing the hell out of that muscle. I didn’t know how to make my way to the bed without bothering the freaking muscle. The pain was unimaginable. I started crying in the pain but crying was even more painful for the muscle. I was trying my self to hold my breath and ended up making sound of a dying pig or something. Mom dad helped me to go to my room.

They were having discussing about the possible reason of the pain.
Probably it’s in stomach.
Or is it kidney?
I think because she ate outside yesterday.
Gastric it is. She needs to eat so and so medicine!

None of my parents is from medical background. The way they try to analyze any such pain is straight forward annoying. They should leave it to the professionals. I was not in a condition to make them understand anything. Mom spoon-fed me and arranged my bed. I asked for the orthopedic heat belt in the hope that mild heat would soothe the pain. Then I lied down on my back… sleeping might not be the best solution but lying means minimum movement of the body which in turn means no pressure on the back muscle. I fell asleep and woke up in the chaos, that’s the specialty of my new room in our new apartment. It’s never silent or anything near to it, you can always hear car horns, people talking everything even when the windows and doors are fully shut.

As soon as I opened my eyes, mom showed up. “You must be hungry” she said. It was barely two and a half hours after my last meal. I didn’t say much. The pain was a little less but the presence of it was still distinct. I was walking in the hall while my family was taking the afternoon nap. I sat with writing for a while and gave up… It’s not working out… it’s not… My mind is so unrest and noisy.

Very often I have fight with Sissy on small insignificant things. She can’t be less annoying and I can’t be less mean. Among all this one of our relatives came to visit us, then I went for some shopping with mom and sister. I still had some pain, I couldn’t jump or walk fast but going out was an absolute necessity.

On our dinner table I had an argument with dad. This is very unlikely incident. Most of the time, I don’t answer back my parents. But as I have grown up, the incidents of disagreements are more than before. Dad doesn’t like that we spend time with people. I understand his rationale and that’s why I am more compelled to disagree with him.

The saddest part of growing up is watching your parents get old and helpless. My parents badly wish me to be with them, they don’t really understand the situation. As their daughter it is my responsibility to take care of them but at the same time I cannot fight with them everyday on the topic of whose son/daughter is earning more, life, career, marriage etc. I too so badly miss my family when I’m in Hyderabad but can I flee from the reality and get inside my closet? Can I?

Post Author: Molten Cookie Dough

A typical Pisces person.

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