There was a time I used to maintain a diary. As I grew older and study and other stuffs took all my time, I couldn’t really manage to get back to it every single day… which exactly is the case with writing here. The only difference is this time you guys are witnessing my journey.
Currently my life is exciting just in my mind, that’s it. On a regular day I wake up, get ready for office, go to office, do my work, get back to my room, watch my YT videos, go to sleep. This is my routine for almost every single day. No, I didn’t open my pc to write about that shit.
Why not talk about my recent crush today so that years after writing this I can come back, read this and cringe and wanna kill myself out of embarrassment?
That sounds a great idea.
There are 2 guys in this story, let’s call them Rapha(my crush) and Deep(my friend).
I’ve been finding myself thinking a lot about Rapha lately. I am that kind of a girl who will dream about a guy for 6 months straight just because he opened the door once or showed a nice gesture just one day. Rapha and I are not even friends. I met him at work, he talks to people nicely, has a chilled-out attitude and super friendly. So it is obvious that he talks to me nicely too. Even though I know, there’s NOTHING extra going on here my mind won’t take a moment’s rest from dreaming about impossible things. I’m always afraid that someday I would blurt out something extremely stupid in front of him to ruin everything. I am a grown adult now, doing something like can affect my professional life… so that kills me even more.
One day I had to stay late in office for some work, almost everybody else was gone except Rapha. My work was dependent on his, so I was just sitting next to him waiting for his work. There were two more people from another team, who stayed back to finish off their work. As it was already past 8 P.M. he suggested to have dinner at office or a nearby place. He asked the other guys too but they didn’t seem to be interested. It took nearly one more hour to finish the work.
“So where do you wanna go? I hope you will eat chicken, right?”, he asked me.
“OH MY GOD!OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!OH MY GOD!OH MY GOD!” I thought but said, “I don’t know, just search for a place with decent ratings. Yeah chicken is fine for me.”
So he found some place with good rating and I said “Ok!”
After we found out the place, I couldn’t believe it, it had no place to sit. There were just 2 tables and that’s it. So we changed our mind and went inside another restaurant. It was raining outside and we needed some place to wait and have dinner in the mean time. It was a small family restaurants, we ordered our food and sat there silently for like 5 minutes. Then he took his phone out of his pocket and started checking it. I knew that nobody would text me or call me or there was nothing more interesting to do in my phone than looking right into his eyes but I had to pretend to be busy with my phone.
My brain cells were fighting between each other and killing themselves,
“Okay, look at you phone. Don’t look at him too often. Scroll a little bit. Not too much.
Think about a something you can talk about.
You don’t want to look rude. Or do you?
Maybe you can talk about future plans etc.
Don’t share too much. Don’t ask him about hobbies or sports.
You can’t tell him about your blog or you love to draw or any of your intersets.
That’s a lot of tea, sis. It’s not the right time, right place or right person.”
Finally he put down his phone and started to talk. We talked about office, our food habits, career plans etc. I can’t tell if I acted normally or not. The food was fine but he was struggling to finish the food. I remembered, this was a uncommon situation. Usually we girls cannot finish the food and guys take the charge of finishing our food. He paid the bill (I transferred money later) and tipped the waiter.
It was drizzling, the atmosphere was at its best. He was sneezing , that’s a good opportunity to shower him with all my love and care he doesn’t need. I had umbrella, he didn’t. I was like ready to produce a jacket out of nowhere and give it to him in most romantic way possible, “I’m so sorry that you’ve caught cold. Take this and you will feel better.” There was a short cut to my hostel from that place but I don’t usually take that way. Also it was supposed to be dark and not many people would be outside at that time.
“We can walk up to your place and I would get a cab from there.”
I was holding the umbrella and was struggling to match the pace. I can’t walk very fast and because of our mismatched walking speed he was constantly getting out of the reach of my umbrella. The best solution was to hold each other’s hand and synchronize our motion.
Nah, that didn’t happen.
The entire way he kept talking about things. Rapha talks way too much in comparison to me but at the end of the day if you try to understand him as a person, those talks were far from anything being useful. After we reached the highway, it was more difficult to walk side by side. It was still raining, he opened his phone to book a cab. I had to look on the way, save us from getting hit by cars, hold the umbrella, match my speed with his, control my thoughts… damn I had so much to do!
It was really nice of him to drop me to my place at that time.
Last week, my friend Deep accompanied me on my way as I was late. We walked the same way but I don’t remember any of the details of it. I don’t why I feel so EXTRA when it comes to Rapha! Sometimes I still feel like 16 yo stupid girl.
That’s all folks, thanks for reading! 🙂
Credit : Photo by Morgan Sessions on Unsplash
When You Are Jealous with no Right to be Jealous... - ScrapBook(October 22, 2018 - 12:58 am)
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