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My Friend can’t see Red Flags in Love #120

After moving to Hyderabad for work, I have had less interaction with my classmates. I talk to one or two close friends frequently, but no one else hears from me. I know what my other friends are doing through their Facebook, Instagram, and WhatsApp posts, but I choose not to greet them. Last month, one of my school friends called me after three years. Let’s call her Tsuki (pronounced as Suki). Now let me briefly introduce her.

From 5th to 12th grade, Tsuki and I attended the same school. We took the same tuition classes and walked home together. We did a lot of things together. After graduating, we went to different colleges and had to go our separate ways. During those four years, we met a few times during Durga Puja and holidays. The main issue was that my other close friends from school didn’t like her company. Because of my own foolishness and Tsuki’s carefree nature, I found myself in many embarrassing situations. As a result, I chose not to share personal stories with her after school because she has a habit of spilling tea everywhere.

Jumping back to the present time, Tsuki called me on WhatsApp while I was attending a wedding invitation so I missed her call. She left a text saying “I want to talk to you today.” When I returned from the wedding, I took an afternoon nap. Tsuki sent another message which made me realize that it was important for me to call her back.

Please don’t think that I ignore people who give me attention; rather, it’s just that I don’t want my insecurities resurfacing due to interactions with an old friend from childhood.

As I called her, she complained about many things for the first 30 minutes. She said that I was careless and didn’t keep in touch with my “friends”. She also mentioned that it was selfish of me to move out for a job and I should go back to my hometown because my parents have grown old and need care and love. I could agree with some of what she said.

Then she started talking about herself. I asked about her love life, and she began talking about this guy named Misaki. About 3-4 years ago, Tsuki sent me his photo asking how he was doing. He was just an average-looking guy.

She told me that he was her boyfriend, but later that year when I met some other girls from school during summer, they mentioned Tsuki as well but not in connection with Misaki. What I learned from them contradicted what Tsuki had told me earlier – Misaki wasn’t even her boyfriend at that point.

Tsuki confessed her feelings to him, but he didn’t give any response at all. They used to hang out together but nothing more than that.

On the other hand, while we were still in college, I received texts from Tsuki talking about her new boyfriend!

In the phone call, Tsuki started talking about Misaki. I admitted that I didn’t remember who Misaki was, so she had to give me a summary. She completely forgot the version of the story she told me before and continued speaking. Tsuki and Misaki became close friends in college, but later Misaki had to change colleges for some reason. Tsuki realized that she had feelings for her best friend, Misaki. When she opened up about her feelings to him, Misaki didn’t give a clear response. He continued hanging out with her as her best friend, but he would ignore it whenever Tsuki wanted his opinion on their relationship. Their friendship improved; they talked for hours and helped each other with their studies while occasionally giving gifts to one another. On Tsuki’s birthday, Misaki planned a surprise for her and gave her his favorite book as a gift. It was clear how emotionally attached my friend had become to this guy.

Tsuki said he was an introvert and didn’t really express his feelings to anyone, not even to his so-called best friend Tsuki. She can’t think about going to a café with her colleague as she thinks it would be considered as cheating on him. She is frustrated that Misaki kept silent even after asking him numerous times. Now they live in different cities but talk for hours at night. After talking to Tsuki, I really don’t understand why this guy can’t be straightforward. If he doesn’t like her more than a friend, what is his problem in saying so? Tsuki has become so emotionally invested him and doesn’t know what she would do without him.

I’m a pessimist when it comes to situations like this. I told Tsuki not to hold back from meeting new people and to be clear about what she wants from that friendship, and mentally prepared for any outcome. I don’t want to see my friend crying if Misaki rejects her in the future. It’s easy for me to talk like this because I’m single and not in that situation. Throughout the years, I’ve considered how certain actions can worsen a relationship. However, I still believe that love is one of the most beautiful feelings in the world unless we distort it ourselves. It’s so unsettling to see Tsuki being so blind in love that the major red flags in her situationship.

[Edit(2023): In the last 5 years, Tsuki and I haven’t stayed in touch. I always get jealous when I see her going to 10 or more wedding and birthday parties every year, traveling alone or with friends and family. I decided not to keep up with her seemingly perfect life on social media. I need to be grateful for everything that I have in my own life than constantly trying to find the lacks.

However, there’s something else I want to address. While I can’t tell you readers what happened between Tsuki and Misaki, many of my other girlfriends have shared similar experiences. It’s sad that we are so caught up in our emotions that we fail to see the major red flags right in front of us. The number of situationships has been increasing dangerously, indicating a lack of commitment in people. In this context, someone said something simple yet powerful. I wholeheartedly agree with the statement and want to share it with all of you: Never choose the person who gives you mixed signals; if someone truly loves you, they would never risk the chance to be with you. Don’t let your low self-esteem, confidence issues, loneliness or desperation convince you that you don’t deserve someone committed to you. Of course, there will always be some red flags – none of us is perfect. Perhaps it’s time we start asking ourselves why we keep attracting non-committal and toxic partners every time? What can we do better to ensure that we also receive the love and respect we long for?]

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Post Author: Molten Cookie Dough

A typical Pisces person.

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