It’s year ending day. Honestly I had tons of other things to write but I had to start with the thing that had been bothering me since morning. Now before going into the incident, I want to admit that I have many flaws but I keep on trying to be a better person everyday.
Yesterday one of my college friends shared a bunch of old photos on Facebook, there was one group photo where I could find myself too. Today while talking to Adrian( a close friend of mine) on WhatsApp he sent me that group photo, asking how many people I was still in touch with. As it went on, Adrian and I were discussing how little contact we had with our college friends. At some point of time, I couldn’t resist myself to ask him about my ex-boyfriend (Let’s call him Dickon). Adrian and Dickon had been good friends in college days. After our break up, I forbid Dickon to talk to me. But occasionally I used to ask Adrian about his whereabouts.
Today I came to know that Dickon quit his previous job and got his dream job with salary twice his previous salary. He was working on it when we were dating. He could be a terrible boyfriend and even more terrible person but I can’t deny his merit and consistent effort towards achieving his goals. He did pretty well in his academics and now he had the job almost every youth in India longs for. Although we were not in talking terms, I kind of knew in my mind that he was doing well in his life. But when I got the news, it made me uncomfortable.
Was it really wise of me to breakup with him? It doesn’t matter, my partner would earn more than him. There’s no use of the money Dickon would earn, he’s such a cheap person. He wouldn’t even spend a penny for anyone. Fuck my life.
I am not proud of such thoughts. I tried to look at the situation with a different point view…
Well, it’s good to know he’s achieved what he deserved. I need not think about his money or his life. I am not part of it anyway. He can do whatever he want. Pushing my future partner in a competition with him is a slap on the face of my feminist ideology. I’ve got the same education as his. If I work really hard, maybe someday I’ll be able to write my success story too. I was feeling ashamed of myself for thinking like a gold digger ho even if for a few moments. I even questioned my decision to break up with him even when it was for he was cheating on me.
Dating Dickon would have been a lose-lose situation. Neither you get his money nor his loyalty and love. I’m not in as glorious position as his but have I ever wanted that? My goals are different from his. I can’t expect achievements to run after me when I’m not giving enough efforts to deserve it. Everyone is running their own race, on their own timeline. It’s not healthy to be jealous of others’ success. Rather I should get motivated to work harder. My career growth might not have been splendid in 2017 but my personal growth has been. I managed time to read novels, write blogs, explore new restaurants and above all I found myself.
Well. Apparently I started writing this in 2017 and will be posting it in 2018. Happy 2018! Much love.