It’s 3rd of March and I am here after 16th Feb. It was supposed to be a daily dose of positivity but let’s be realistic. I can’t be a happy unicorn everyday. It was possible long back, when I was a 3-year-old kid. Then I had least problems in my life (from the time when I was born to 4-5 years) but then also I would cry everyday for some reason. It could be for the chocolate dad didn’t buy me or the doll which I damaged by myself. As we grow up the count of reasons for being upset also grow in number.
Many things happened in this 2 weeks but this post is solely about yesterday. The beginning was pretty usual. I started my day making a wish to God to be positive and productive through out the day. I went to office, did my part. It was about 5 O’clock when I got a call from somebody to immediately come to a local hospital. It was my sister who was sick for last 2 days and her condition was so critical that her roommate took her to hospital. I left office in no time. When I reached office my sister was laying on a bed, talking to her supervisors who came to pay her a visit. Her roommate had to leave for office, so she handed over the responsibility and left. In my absence my sis was admitted to hospital paying for the “daycare”. That means she was supposed to stay there for one whole day under observation. I did the necessary formalities and accompanied her to the room dedicated for her. As the hospital did not offer food to its patients, it was the responsibility of the relatives to arrange food. The rooms were very small, partitioned with wooden boards. So the noise from the next rooms would definitely make you uncomfortable. There was a switch next to the bed to call the nurse. But nobody would turn up to see! By that time I was not feeling well but there was nobody to take my role.
I had a talk with doctor and went out for bringing some food. By the time when I reached my apartment, all my mental and physical strength was gone. I could hardly move my legs, it was too difficult to breathe, my heart was pounding and I realized that I was about to break down. So I immediately ordered food, set the alarm for like 20 min.s and laid down on bed. As soon as I closed my eyes I remembered something that needed to done right then, so again I got up. I finished it up and returned to bed but I was running out of time. As my sister is sick, it would be insensible to serve her that food, so I had to make my own arrangements to serve her something she could really eat. I was literally forcing my body not to break down. When I finally packed her foods and other things, my stomach started making sounds of a dying whale. Then this happened…
Me : “Are you seriously this much selfish? Sis has been waiting for you, she’s hungry too! Her condition is worse than yours.”
also me: “Your head is spinning, if you faint somewhere,you’re screwed.”
So I took a minute or two to have some food and ran towards the hospital. Sis had dinner and told me to ask doctor if she could go home. Even I was not at all convinced to leave my sister in that hospital, but the doctor denied to discharge her claiming that her condition was not good. We spent almost 5 hours to make him write the medicines and tests. I would go to the nurse for every 20 minutes and she told me to wait for 2 minutes. Finally when it was time to clear the bills and take sis home, the billing section was closed and the authority took a deposit money (which is more than the approximate expenditure). They intentionally did so, their service was so poor still they didn’t hesitate claim a large amount of money. I swore to God that I would never come here.
When I returned to my room, it was midnight. My room was a complete mess. I cleaned the mess on my bed, put on my pajamas and laid down. My head was hurting. Every inch of my body was paining. I fell asleep after struggling for some time. My dear friend woke me up by 2 or 3 am. It’s been a month or so, since when I wake up every single night to itch my legs for an hour and finally give up. The itchy feeling is so intense that it would wake you up and scratch all over your skin until you hurt yourself. It’s a kind of skin infection I am suffering from. I am using some medicines with no result. I have no idea when I will be able to take myself to a good dermatologist. I cried on myself because I could no more bottle my pain up.
There are so many struggles you have everyday, it’s not possible to stay strong through it all. But you know that you have survived so far and you obviously will. So never lose hope.